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    The Goal Is To Survive

    Chapter 41

    Chapter 41: You've grown up

    Translated by Translated by SkyTL
    Edited by Edited by SkyTL


    Chapter 41: You’ve grown up


    The day after Rosemary’s wedding, Gideon visited Faritina.


    Faritina greeted him with the usual bow.


    “I’m sorry I yelled the other day,” he said.


    “I wanted to apologize to you that day. I was unfaithful to you. As your fiancée, I had a lot to say to you, but I didn’t explain anything and I made you feel bad for misunderstanding me.”


    “I was not in love with Miss Amanda Rejon. I just went with the flow, and we were always together.”


    “I knew I was misleading people, but I didn’t do anything about it. And to you. I should have explained it to you. And I should have changed. That I had you. To humiliate you is to humiliate me.  You and I were supposed to build a future together.”


    Gideon bowed his head.


    “I’m sorry. I’ve done nothing but criticize you for letting this happen. Now that I’m here, I realize how stupid I’ve been. I lost touch with you, and I can’t help you.”


    I can only apologize.


    This is pathetic and frustrating.


    “Please don’t apologize.”


    Faritina said softly.


    He looked up and gazed into Faritina’s calm eyes.


    Gideon’s heart quieted.


    “You’ve grown up.”


    Faritina said admiringly.


    Gideon couldn’t help but laugh at the relaxed way she said it.


    “We’re the same age…”


    “Yes, well, we are. Please sit down.”


    Faritina laughs and offers him a chair.


    She has a gentle nature, I think again.


    People say Faritina is fierce and jealous, but I’ve never seen her yell or get angry.


    Instead of the dignified expression on the duchess’s face that you see at official occasions, Faritina is always calm and smiling here.


    “I think the feeling is mutual.”


    When the maid finished preparing the tea, Faritina began to speak calmly.


    I have said nothing, just as Your Highness has said nothing. So it is mutual. Perhaps we should have tried harder.


    The non-blaming tone almost made Gideon cry.


    “You should have reprimanded me more.”




    Faritina laughed mischievously.


    “Did you prefer the villainess, as they say?”


    “N-no! No, it’s not that! I wouldn’t have known if you hadn’t said so.”


    “I think you would have liked it.”


    Faritina tilted her head slightly. Then she said in a relaxed tone.


    “It’s a predetermined game anyway. There’s more to life after school. I think you should have enjoyed your youth as much as everyone else when you were at that glamorous school.


    And that’s what Gideon did.


    He forgot his identity, forgot his duties, and enjoyed the pleasures of youth.


    Faritina doesn’t blame him.


    “So you didn’t hold it against me?”


    Faritina smiles a little.


    “You did what you wanted to do.”


    We both did.


    We were both involved and preoccupied with ourselves.


    But Faritina had feelings for Gideon until they became engaged and entered the academy together.


    While Gideon enjoyed the free and open atmosphere at the academy, Faritina was nowhere to be seen.


    Gideon was surrounded by members of the Executive Committee, Amanda was standing next to him, and Faritina was the subject of raised eyebrows.


    “Your brother was very sick, wasn’t he?”


    “I thought I was the only one who could protect him… The arrogance.”




    “I couldn’t protect him.”


    Faritina said sadly.


    “In the end, it was just my own self-gratification. I was just selfishly loving and happy.”


    Sometimes I wonder if I should have ignored him from the beginning.


    Instead of being so cruel and disappearing without warning.


    Rather pretend to be nice and then be abandoned.


    If you don’t know warmth from the beginning, you’ll never know the misery of being abandoned.


    Why do you want to live?


    What do you want to protect?


    If you can’t take responsibility until the end, you shouldn’t have turned to him.


    In the end, I only made the Gemini miserable.


    In this environment where they want you dead, you might not get out alive.


    Then I can’t even hold his hand and apologize.


    “Who are you fighting?”


    Gideon asked.


    I’d like to know.


    I think it’s a little too late for that, since we’re not engaged anymore.


    He couldn’t leave her like this, looking so sad and downcast.


    Faritina smiled a little.


    “I don’t know.”


    I really don’t know. I don’t know who’s doing this. Where is this going to go?


    “Serion has repeatedly requested a visit but has never been granted one. There is no indication that the allegation against you that led to your detention has been reviewed, although he has provided counter-evidence.”


    On second thought, I find that strange.


    This country is a monarchy, but we strive for the rule of law.


    There should be a set procedure for determining guilt. But they leave it out.


    “Why is that? Did you notice something?”


    Faritina smiled and shook her head.


    When she looked resigned, Gideon said.


    “Faritina, I don’t care what it is. I want to be on your side. I want you to tell me. Everything you know.”


    I thought Faritina was just a normal girl.


    I thought she was one of those boring girls, kept like a bird in a cage, interested only in beauty, to say the least.


    Gideon realizes that this was a complete misunderstanding.


    Serion’s advice may have helped, but Faritina is aware of her danger and remains cautious.


    She is a brave woman who will not be distracted in a pinch.


    She remains silent not because she is ignorant or afraid, but because she does not want her words to be used against her.


    For protection.




    Faritina said, letting out a sigh.


    “It was the house of my late mother’s family. It’s a faction of the Dukes of Consul, in charge of the penal system, and is now run by my late mother’s brother.”


    Gideon nodded.


    “The Granquieces and the Remiltons are not close. The former Earl of Remilton was very angry when my own mother died, and Father took his mistress shortly after.”


    “…And now he’s pushing you? His own granddaughter.”


    “Well… I don’t know.”


    Faritina said, as indolently as ever.


    “…I know he hates me.”


    “Why? Did he say something to you?”


    Faritina shook her head.


    “We never spoke to each other. I’ve been to official events, but we’ve never made eye contact.”


    That’s cold, Gideon thought.


    “Then why?”


    “My mother had a heart condition. It was incurable when she was pregnant and was miraculously cured with Gazelli, but then it was discovered that the ingredients in Gazelli are contraindicated for heart and lung problems.”


    The Duke of Granquiece then spent his own money on research to improve the safety of the remedy, and today it is widely used in the country.


    “It must have weakened her. Shortly after I was born, she ran out of energy.”


    “After trying so hard to have a child, my father unkindly took a second wife soon after. By that time she was pregnant with Serion, and it’s not surprising that they suspected she had something going on with her before she died.”


    “That’s why the Remiltons were so angry. That heartless Granquiece. If she hadn’t conceived me, my mother might still be alive. If she had stayed alive, she might have broken up with the Granquiece and found some other kind of happiness.”


    My poor mother.


    She risked her life and was never rewarded for it.


    If she had known the future, she would not have had children.


    If she had known that from the beginning, she would have given up. I couldn’t love Gemini way. Or expect love from anyone else.


    “I’m sorry. I know it’s hard to talk about.”


    When Gideon apologized, Faritina smiled and shook her head.


    “You didn’t know, so I can’t blame you.”


    The serenity in her voice made his heart ache even more.


    I didn’t know.


    I didn’t know Faritina was in such a situation. I thought she was happy, with her parents, her brothers and sisters.


    I feel ashamed when I see how indifferent I am.


    “The truth is that we don’t know, do we?”


    Faritina laughed softly, putting her hand to her lips and tilting her head.

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